This was written Christmas 2003, in honor of my grandfather who had passed away the year prior. It recieved a Moderator's Choice shortly after that. At any rate, this is based off of Annie Lennox's song 'Into the West' heard on the 'Return of the King' soundtrack. The characters are from a story that I wrote with a friend years ago.
Tulnea gazed down at his wife. A bittersweet smile
chanced across his lips and he almost laughed, but the motion turned into a
sob.
How peaceful she looked, dark hair brushed neatly back from her pale face,
eyes closed in everlasting sleep.
He knelt down and touched her cheek, cold in death's grip. How many
times had he brushed his fingers across that smooth skin, looked into those
jeweled eyes and heard that light and carefree laughter?
Too many times, yet not nearly enough.
"Lay down your head....night is falling, my darling. Your
journey is over." he whispered. Already he felt his throat
constrict. "Sleep...and dream of the ones who came before.
They are calling, can you hear them? Standing on a distant shore..."
He bowed his head. His shoulders bobbed with a silent sob.
Tindomerel likewise stared tearfully at her husband. He was close to
her but she could not touch nor speak comfort, separated as they were by the
world of the living and the dead.
"Why do you weep?" she inquired. How she wanted to
brush away those tears with a light fingertip, run her hands through that
golden hair. "Soon...you'll see that all your fears will pass away,
and you'll be here in my arms, safe and sleeping like always." she
said to him, her voice silent as the wind.
Tulnea looked up and stared off in the distance, where daylight was rapidly
fading.
"What can you see over that horizon? Are the white gulls
calling? The pale moon is rising...the ships are coming to take you
home."
Tindomerel stared at him. "Don't say we've come to the
end! The white shores are calling me...but you and I will meet
again." she paused and smiled wistfully. "And you'll be
here in my arms...just sleeping..."
Estanesse forced himself to look away from his father's tears. How
many times over the last days had he tried to convince himself that it was not
his mother's body lying motionless on that dais? He met the gaze of his
own wife, soon to be a mother herself. She looked at him softly, unable
to bring words to her lips.
Tulnea rose to his feet, picking up the white flower he had lain on the
ground. This he gently placed on his wife's breast, unmoving as it should
have otherwise been rising and falling with her calm and steady breaths.
Tindomerel watched this with a stoic calm. She closed her eyes, a
silvery tear slipping down her ghostly cheek. It hardened as it fell,
becoming an orb of glass, suspended weirdly in the air. She held out a
hand and cradled it in her palm.
"All turns to silver glass." she whispered. "No
more than a light on the water to guide the gray ships floating past."
She started to turn away, the spirit leaving the body. It was no
more.
But she turned back as a beautiful birdsong filled the air.
Tulnea looked up at the black nightingale perched on the flowered
balustrade. It looked at him inquisitively, dark eyes compasionate, then
chirped a lullaby which sounded familiar to him. He held out a hand, but
the bird flew away uneasily.
A hand touched his shoulder. Tulnea turned and looked at his son.
"Father?"
The former king shook his head and looked back at his dormant wife once
more. Estanesse clearly did not see the bird, his last image of hope.
Tindomerel could hardly bear it. She turned away after one final
look, and faded into the growing darkness. The spirit had reluctantly
left.
Estanesse had gone back to his wife's side. His father lingered a
while longer.
Eh, I've been singing this song in choir at school. 0.o Talk about possessed...
Ah, now this was interesting. It was very well written, though slightly over described in some places, but that's just me. I think most fantasy stories are over described. Anyway, the story was beautiful and I like how you fit the words of the song into the story, changing them just slightly to fit what you were trying to say. I found that quite creative. Especially since I seem to have lost my own creative touch. I envy all you who still have the spirit of writing in you.
Once again it was very well done. Now, I'm afraid I must exit this place before I die of the heat. Its, like, 90 degrees outside and this upstairs room is more of an oven than anything else.
~Saya~ Stephanie ´Zoë´ Zayatz replies: "Thanks for your comment! I really appreciate it."
So beautiful and gently written, and filled with emotional. Well done! Stephanie ´Zoë´ Zayatz replies: "Thank you!"
12 Sep 2007
Emily
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I had a hard time with this story. With all the names it was not easy to follow, but I understood the emotions, I had a few tears as I read. But what I wanted to tell you was that the final line 'I already miss you' made me sob. My face is absolutely soaked. I thought it was so perfect. My husband is sleeping in the next room, and those words really made me understand the way your character did. Well done, I sincerely mean it. Stephanie ´Zoë´ Zayatz replies: "Thanks for the comment. This story was based on characters from a longer story a friend and I had been writing, so it's not necessarily supposed to be a "standalone" story, so that is why it is confusing. But I am glad you were so touched by it. Thank you so much for telling me, it means a lot to me!"
oh my... I could wish forever for a silver flow as yours. Have recently had a loss in the family it was VERY moving, though i think it would have been moving anyhow. Are you published? with talent as yours you should be Stephanie ´Zoë´ Zayatz replies: "Thank you so much, I’m glad you liked it. This is an older piece but still goes on moving its readers and I’m very glad for that. I’m not published anywhere at this point, but maybe sometime in the future. Thank you for reading. "
I sort of agree with Emily that it was a little confusing, but the details are not important. The main point of the story was the emotion, and that came through loud and clear. It’s so beautiful and sad and captures what I think you were going for perfectly. Amazing job
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